Yes, I finally did it. It was a long time coming, and I decided to pull the trigger on that now that my medical issues, which were my main focus first and foremost, have now been fixed. I wasn't going to pull him in to this at all. He's already done enough for me and I don't need to bother him with my first surgeon baggage, but as part of the investigation process in to my complaint, the dental board said they may need to talk to all of my treaters and pull records. Ugh. So, as a courtesy, I let him know that he may be contacted and I apologized for having to drag him in to this at all. He seemed OK with it and said he'll give the board whatever they request if they contact him and request it. Phew...good. He's not put off by me doing this..... or is he? Does my surgeon now think I am a complain for nothing patient? Sue/complain happy over nothing? I mean, now my mind is spinning because while I've had enough people tell me that what happened to me was WAY past an honest mistake.... I still have never had an actual doctor say it to my face (well, outside of the guy at Stanford who then did the total 180 on his statements), so I still second guess myself here. I'd like to think I am correct. That what happened to me was way below the standard of care and just not right at all. That I am completely justified putting in a complaint over what happened to me. But, it really bothers me to think what if I'm wrong? What if I'm wrong and now my surgeon just sees me as a threat and more hesitant to treat me? Like some sort of ambulance chaser sue happy person who complains just to complain over anything and everything? Know what I mean? I'm totally NOT that kind of person (at least I think, but I'm obviously a little biased lol). Hopefully he knows me enough by now through the last 2 years to know that I am a more than understanding and pretty easy going patient and definitely NOT one of those patients.
I'm probably over thinking it, but it's tearing me up inside that I possibly could cause my surgeon to think less of me or be put off that I'm doing this. And I am never going to know because he's never going to speak to the level of care I got with my first surgeon; letting me know that I am not crazy and fully justified going through with this. Or even a nudge saying he thinks it was all a normal complication(s) and honest mistakes and I should just move on and it's not complaint worthy. But, I am never going to know. It's almost bothering me to a point where I feel like I should just call the dental board and retract the complaint I put in, just so I can end this anxiety I have over my surgeon possibly thinking less of me over it. But then I'll always wonder what if on the complaint and if that was in fact the right thing to do. I just wish I could get some guidance on what the right thing for me to do is. It's a lose lose situation honestly, and I have no clue what to do now. :(
So, left the appointment with anxiety and a little bit of sadness over all of that. At the same time though, I was glad to get some good news and left with happiness over that-- my incisors are firming up, and doc is happy, saying most of the teeth (outside of that bum lateral incisor) are barely mobile now. AMAZING news. So, continuing with wait and see plan for that. And then even better, my implant actually gets 60% paid in to it from my dental insurance! Waahhoooo!!! Super awesome unexpected surprise!! So, about $900 for the implant and I am not sure what the crown will be yet. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, which won't be until next year. Implant goes in first week of Oct and then we'll wait 3 months to let it take to the bone before putting the crown on it. In Feb we'll revisit taking my upper hardware out, but for now doc seems happy with the bone healing on my last pano. We're not completely filled in (which seems to be going slower than last time and he reminded me that is normal for a revision) and fully fused, but we're slowly getting there. Phew.
So, mixed emotions. So happy all is going better than we thought it would be going over all. My front teeth have some hope now (more than they've ever had!) and my bones continue to slowly heal and go in the right direction. I am not sure if I will ever feel good over the whole complaint thing going on. I so badly just want to feel better knowing I have my surgeons support and he doesn't think less of me at all for doing this, but I am not sure I am ever going to get confirmation of what he thinks I should have done with this either way. I am going to have to accept that and just hope that he does fully support what I am doing with this, but he just can't violate his standards in terms of not speaking to that at all. I don't blame him. It's smart. But it's definitely not helping in terms of my mental/emotional anguish over this.