I had my first teeth cleaning since the surgery, and God did that feel AWESOME!!!!  My teeth actually were in good shape.  My gums looked so good they didn't even perio probe me like usual.  And I finally got a polishing.  This was really what I needed.  My teeth have been freaking grey/purple looking since using the peridex rinse that first month post op.  I also got around to asking my dentist about the loose tooth that nobody in my ortho office seems concerned about.  When my wires came off today first thing I did was look in the mirror on the way out of the ortho office and wiggle the tooth.  Yep, still very very loose.  More than just normal orthodontic movement loose.  The hygienist and dentist were pretty concerned with it.  So much so that my dentist talked options with me on what would happen if the tooth was to come out during ortho, and she was going to go over to my ortho's office next door and talk with him later about it.  Sounds like if I lost it before I am out of braces, they can  bond a fake took to the neighboring tooth and at least make it look like I have a tooth there so I'm not walking around looking like I'm from backyard Kentucky or something (sorry friends from KY).  I wasn't in tears or anything over this since I have been concerned with it being loose for 2-3 weeks now, and I knew that tooth started with a short root and it was possible to have this happen with ortho.  BUT.... my ortho wanted me out of braces asap after surgery to prevent this, so had the surgery gone right and I would be out of braces by now, I think I would have saved that tooth.  Oh well, add it to the list of crap that has gone wrong during all of this.  So.... another one bites the dust.  That is tooth numero 2 that I am loosing and will have an implant done on.  I'm seriously too young for this loosing teeth crap!

My ortho tells me today, 'your surgeon got in touch with me today and she's on vacation, but will look at your records soon and get with us on them.'  Good thing I had a xanax before I went to my appointment this morning, because otherwise I would have had to stifle a laugh from coming out of me unexpectedly.  So, 4 months post op and 1 month after she's had records from a very detailed second opinion I had and now she breaks her silence?  Seems pretty odd that I put in a formal request to Kaiser (which in turn lodged a complaint against her) to cover my revision surgery outside of Kaiser with Gunson, and now all of the sudden she is getting in touch with me finally?  Ppphhhffffttttt.  No thanks.  You had your chance, chick.  So, I was honest and told my ortho that it's OK, I don't care what she has to say since I'm not going back with her anyway.  That ship has sailed.  Speaking of Kaiser, the committee meeting on my request to have out of network care provided for my revision is getting together to look at my case on Tues.  I REALLY hope they will cover the revision.  I am totally prepared for denial, but it would be nice for something to finally go my way with all of this and I can get the care that I not only need, but deserve.  And speaking of care, I am consulting with one more orthodontist and 2 more surgeons in the next couple weeks.  So, once I have those opinions and hopefully a decision in my favor from Kaiser, I can pick a surgeon and get this ball rolling on my revision.  I hope I can get a surgery date on the books before the beginning of Oct.  My sisters wedding is in the Dominican the second week of November.  I would be devastated if I couldn't go stand by her side for her wedding.  I don't even care if I'm banded shut still, I just need to be able to make the 8 hour flight there, which I know will be tough the first 4-6 weeks post op with my face/sinus and ear cavity swollen and hurting in flight with the pressure.  So, first week of Oct is kind of my cut off for surgery if I want to go to the wedding still.  It's at an all inclusive resort and it will suck not to eat my monies worth, but I guess being on a liquid diet (the one surgeon I am probably going to go with has a strict liquid diet for 6 weeks post op) includes rum runners and pina coladas, right? ;)

I go back to my ortho next week to do a long appointment to rebond brackets and begin the process of undoing all the 'corrections' he made to me post op.  Once that is done, I think my teeth will be surgery ready again.  Thank god.  I just want to get this show on the road!

Kaiser responded to my request for care out of network, saying I could submit written testimony and any documents supporting my appeal to be seen by another surgeon and have them cover it.  Pretty slick of them to send the letter on Thurs and require my package to be in their hands no later than the following Weds down in San Diego.  If I hadn't had all of my stuff together already, it would have been tough for sure.  So, they get 30 days to look everything over, but they give people 4 days to get their stuff together to send them.  Nice [/sarcasm].  I put together a bullet proof package.  No stone left unturned, and there is no gaps for them to question.  Everything couldn't have been laid out any clearer.  I don't want to get my hopes up that the committee will approve it.  If they were smart, they should.  You don't want to see me pissed off and fighting.  So far I would say I've been pretty nice to even offer them to chance to just cover this and let it be the end of it.  That is all I will say about that. So, hurry up and wait now, I guess.

In totally different news-- I got to meet some people from the jaw surgery forums and facebook page this weekend.  One chick was flying in to SFO for a consult with Kasey Li at Stanford (who I have a consult with on Aug 4th), and another guy drove up from SoCal to meet up with us.  All 3 of us are facing revision surgeries, so it was nice to have a few drinks and shoot the breeze with people in the same boat as me.  I hate that people are in the same boat as me.  Truly, I do.  I don't wish this hell on anybody, but it was nice to hang out with people who understand and are going through the same emotions I am.  We met in San Fran for dinner and went back to my place for drinks and a game of cards against humanity.  I think it did us all good to relax and laugh a little bit.  If they're anything like me, there has been a lot more tears than laughter in this mess we're in post op. 

And in more totally different news-- I dropped by my orthodontists office to pick up the clear guard to wear on my bottom teeth to alleviate some of the tension/pressure my joints are taking due to my awful awful  bite.  I was really looking forward to getting it since I need the relief from headaches and joint pain, but there was a hiccup with the guard.  It didn't fit.  He tried to take a blow torch and heat and mold it to my teeth a little better, but he said it's not a good fit.  I had to redo the mold of my bottom teeth again (lucky me.... we all know how much I love molds), and hopefully the next one will be a better fit.  They're usually done in a day or two, but he mentioned coming by the beginning of next week to pick it up.  Ugh!  I can't wait that long, so I might drop in tomorrow to see if it's done and if they have time to fit me again.  More hurry up and wait again.

If I had a dollar for every appointment and consult I've been to recently and going to in the near future, I might have enough to pay for my second surgery! Ha!  Yesterday was my first consult with a different orthodontist.  I feel bad going for second opinions on the ortho side of the house, but I want other opinions on anything and everything now.  The guy was super nice.  He basically knew in five minutes that I wasn't going to be his patient, but he spent 45 minutes with me out of his busy office schedule anyway.  I definitely appreciated it.  This orthodontist also works closely with my surgeon.  He said in the many years he's been doing this, he's only had to send one of her cases back for revision, and he's never seen somebody come back as bad as me.  He hinted that maybe there was some additional relapse on my part, but I know how I came out of this post op, and it was definitely this screwy from the operation.  He said all looks good on the orthodontic side of the house.  Basically what my ortho is doing now is what he would be doing if I were his patient.  BUT... he also knows my ortho.  They serve on the same faculty board at a local university, and they did part of their post grad work together years ago too.  I hate to say I don't trust his opinion because he could be looking out for a friend, but I am skeptical since I don't trust anything now anyway.  The next orthodontist I see is somebody I got referred to out of Gunsons office, so hopefully he will be outside of what appears to be the good old boys club of orthos who all know each other around here.  Better yet, I am going to make sure my orthos name is not on any records I bring with me and will politely let them know I would rather not say who my current ortho is.

I saw my ortho this morning.  I was going in just to check up on the spaces in between my incisors and K9's.  I told him about the ever worsening joint issues I'm starting to get now these last few weeks.  He took a mold of my bottom teeth and is making a mouth piece for me to wear at night.  I am not sure if this is going to be like a proper orthodic splint or more like a night guard, but regardless, he said it should make my joints feel a little more comfy.  We'll see, I guess.  I am not holding out much hope if it's just a night guard.  Otherwise, I got a new chain on my bottom teeth, and a figure 8 wire across the front bottom 4 to close a space that has opened up down there for some reason.  I have my suspicion that he took too much enamel off between the two front teeth there when he ground them down a few weeks ago, but I guess we'll see what happens with that.  So far I've been right with all of my suspicions.  Hopefully I am wrong on this one since I'll need bonding, crown, or vaneer to restore that tooth if this is the case. 

As far as I knew, my orthodontist was going to undo all of the things he's done to me post op, as requested by Dr. Gunson to get me surgery ready.  It's what I've wanted this whole time anyway.  I asked what his plan was today to undo everything, and he said he wasn't going to do it.  WTH?  Seriously?  I flat out told him that it needs to be done like Dr. Gunson said so it can be truly corrected with surgery and not covered up with extruded teeth.  He had me smile and he took a good look at me for a few minutes and then ordered up the next appointment to rebond all the brackets back to where they were at first post op.  He warned me that things will be way off after he does that.  Don't worry-- I remember how that felt.  I'll take it because it's what needs to be done at this point.  So, the squeaky wheel and all that jazz.... at least I am on top of my stuff now and it's getting done.  I shouldn't be the one having to make sure it gets done.  Maybe going on those other ortho consults is not to crazy after all..........

But..... I have to post it, don't I?  I finally went through more of my records today that includes a disc from Kaiser with all of my final pre op appointment pictures on it.  Just looking at those, I guess I have gotten used to my new face.  Maybe I'm trying to force myself to get used to my new face because I don't have any other choice.  ::sigh:: My new chimp face that bulges out on one side more than the other and is not swelling and will not go away.  I wish I could get used to my new bite like that, but that is not going to happen.  I feel like it's getting worse every day instead of a feeling of getting used to it even though it's screwed up.

First of all.... these in office photo's are never flattering.  These are definitely not the before/after photo's I wanted to post for my 3 month post op update, but here they are.  Top is preop, the bottom postop.  The post op ones with Gunson look a little funky since he makes you wear a piece of bite wax to hold your bite in place the same for each shot (that is the pink piece between my teeth in a few pictures).  The last picture makes my stomach churn.  I know I asked this at the end of my last blog, but how do you go from the top picture (pre op) to the bottom picture (post op)??  Seriously.  How?! 

I have some more consults scheduled in the next few weeks.  I am seeing Dr. Kasey Li at Stanford University Hospital (another super top surgeon like Gunson- I'm not settling for anything less now after all this mess), and I'm actually throwing a few orthodontist consults in as well.  It can't hurt at this point.  I like my ortho.  Nice guy and all, but I am just so violated and stripped of confidence now from everything that I don't trust anybody anymore and I want second and third opinions on everything.  It does bother me that he tried to fix this with ortho and has caused everything to be even more messed up now (my jaw joints are clicking and hurting more and more each day unfortunately).  Each surgeon I talk to immediately says he had no business even doing what he's done to me post op.  So, I guess it's not without reason that I have my doubts even for him.  Honestly, I don't think I'll ever trust another doctor again in my life after all of this.  I wish I could stop myself from feeling that way, but I don't think I'll ever be able to shake it now.

Happy 4th of July weekend to everybody!  What a difference a year makes.  Last year I was still getting used to being in braces and spending my 4th of July in FL on a freediving scalloping trip.  My teeth were sore, but it was totally doable to have my mouth around a snorkel (RIP to the 3 brackets I broke that weekend. lol).  This year I went backpacking up in the Sierra mountains about 3.5 hours from home.  My husband and I love to backpack.  Last year I was out the season because of my torn knee, and this year we haven't done anything yet because of my jaw surgery recovery.  I'm finally feeling decent enough (outside of the pain and issues surrounding the jaw misalignment from the first surgery), that we thought we could give this trip a try.  It was fun, but definitely not without it's issues.  Right off the bat I had a huge issue-- drinking water.  My pack has a water bladder in it with a hose that comes out and has a little mouthpiece on it that lets water out when you bite down.  (Like this:  https://notunlessimbeingchased.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/img_2696.jpg)  My bite is so screwed that I couldn't really get my teeth/lips to close around the mouth piece and bite down to let water out.  I spent the trip pretty damn dehydrated.  It's bad enough to where I might not go on another backpack until after the revision surgery to fix this mess.

Speaking of a mess, I posted some photo's of the off bite back in May.  Since then, my lower teeth have been tipped in, which has made my misalignment even more obvious.  Figured I would make a post to throw these up, even though they aren't the most flattering (for real-- my teeth are basically purple/grey after that stupid mouthwash I had to take the first month post op).  I've made enough reference to how screwed my bite is, so I might as well post the visuals too.

I wake up every morning and feel my jaws all out of alignment and my bite so far off and think, "how the hell did this happen?!"  And then I look at pictures like this and REALLY think, "how the hell did this happen?!"  Seriously.  I'm still trying to wrap my brain around how I went in to fix an overbite and gummy smile and came out with an overbite (worse on one side vs. the other now) and twisted and crooked top and bottom jaws.  So twisted that it has changed the shape of my face!  Seriously.... how. did. this. happen?

Sorry this might end up being a long post.  Just one of those days.....

Back in the orthodontist chair for a few hours today getting molds done, even though he knows my teeth aren't surgery ready.  I pretty much knew that after walking out of Dr. Gunsons office on Friday.  Doc just wants to see where the teeth are anyway, and start making a few adjustments to follow the guidelines Dr. Gunson recommended for what he would like to see done on the ortho side before surgery.

I dropped in the office yesterday to drop the molds back off and see if it was worth me even coming in for new molds with Gunsons recommendations that were just made.  And I'll be totally honest, I was hoping Dr. Wadden would catch me at the front desk and maybe have a few minutes to chat with me if he had heard from Gunson, and that is exactly what happened.  He got a call from him in the morning but was too busy to talk, so he basically asked me for the run down.  I was pretty honest with him.  For the first time told him how I feel like I've been brushed off by Dr. O'Ryan for the last 7 weeks and it was just so nice finally having answers now.  He had the same look on his face that he had that day he took the molds and finally decided that I was a revision case.  It's that look where he just looks really sorry for me.  I told him I don't know what to do at this point.  I got such great care and attention from Dr. Gunson, and given my circumstances right now, I don't want care less than what he gave me.  There will be no third time on this.  It has to be right this time and I have to know I am going with the person I know will fix my now twisted lopsided jaws once and for all.  He had that look on his face still, and basically said "sorry...nobody should have to go through this a second time either."  He agrees with Dr. Gunson that I should at least present the info from my consult to Dr. O'Ryan.  I don't even feel like getting in touch with her at this point, because I've done that multiple times in the last 7 weeks just to be pushed off to my ortho.  Or I get a general "I'll talk to Dr. Wadden and get back to you," and then I never hear anything.  I'm sick of being the one to have to not only initiate conversation, but just get brushed off when I do.  Anyway, since he didn't have time to talk to Gunson, I gave him a copy of the write up and files from the appointment so he could look at it and talk with me more in the morning when I come back for the molds.

Before I left for the ortho office, I got a call from Dr. Gunson.  He wanted to let me know he chat with Dr. Wadden a few minutes ago and they talked about the things we talked about.  I was so surprised to get a call.  My surgeon has never done that.  Hell, she didn't even check up on me the morning after my surgery, and instead it was one of her residents.  God, I wish I could just shut the door on any decision making now and just sign up for work with Gunson! 

Molds are never fun.  I hate doing them.  And I had to do two sets this morning so one could be kept with the ortho, and he asked if he could send one along with all the info from my Gunson consult up to Dr. O'Ryan.  Better him than me at this point.  I already said I was done being the person to get in touch with her.  I got a new chain on the bottom and a now a chain on the top too to help close up the space that opened up way too much on my left K9.  I also get to stop wearing the elastics since Gunson convinced my ortho to stop doing bite correction when really what I need is bone correction.  What I've been saying from the beginning after the surgery-- this is NOT an ortho problem.  My bite is off because this is a bone problem.  The jaws are NOT aligned, and the best he can do is basically cover it up by extruding teeth and putting things where they really shouldn't be for a stable bite.  Gunson actually told him to reverse what he's done on me post op.  Reverse the cant "correction" (bring the teeth back up on my left that have been extruded down), and put everything back basically where it was after the first surgery.  Kind of my feelings all along, but then again, I'm no doc so what do I know?  I've actually been dead on right about everything so far.  I think I'm going to trust my instincts a lot more from here on out, despite the fact I'm no doc.  Anyway, almost two hours later, and I'm out of there.  Late for work again.  BUT, before I left, a few chairs down somebody got their braces off.  An adult patient, which is a little more rare to see in the office.  I've seen the song and dance before (they come out and sing a little "yay, you got your braces off song," which I have asked them to NOT do for me. lol), but today it got to me for some reason.  I actually cried in the chair for a second.  Thankfully the assistant that was working on me walked away for a minute to help with the song and dance and didn't notice when she got back, but I think I had a moment of "wow... that was supposed to be me around now."   Really, it was.  All was supposed to go well, just needing minor tweaks after surgery, and maybe out of braces 3-4 months post op.  Yep... not so much.  So, had a little pity party for myself for a hot second.

So, Dr. O'Ryan knows I got a second opinion with Gunson now.  Guess I'll wait to see if she contacts me to follow up.  The past three months have been an emotional roller coaster (Yes, I am three months post op this week. Time flies.), but the last five days have been killer.  The emotional stress of the past 3 months is NOTHING compared to the surgery itself.  Don't even get me started on physical pain.  For the first time in my life, I am having TMJ issues.  There is pressure on my left side, and it's clicking now too when I talk and chew.  I'm getting headaches too.  My jaw in general just feels really stiff right now for some reason.  And maybe it's because I've been out of elastics for a few days and finally feeling the force of how far my jaws are off without rubber bands trying to pull it one way or another, but my bite is so screwed.... like, seriously screwed.  One day I feel like "OK, I can tough through this," and today is one of those days where I feel like I can't live with these jaws for another second.  I guess people who are this far out of alignment their whole lives just don't know what they don't know.  I had a problem going into this,  but not even close to this bad, so I think knowing what better alignment feels like is really making it a lot tougher for me.  So what do I do about it?  That is the toughest part right now.  I might go for a third opinion and see what they say and feel out a doc maybe a little more local (and affordable).  I guess I'll listen to what Dr. O'Ryan says if she gets back to me, but I am only human for feeling the way I feel right now with doubts about having her try to fix this.  I guess I just feel bad for feeling that way.