Yesterday marked 8 months post op.  It really is crazy how quickly the last 8 months have flown by compared to the 8 months that went by leading up to surgery.  I feel like that took FOREVER.  So, where are we at 8 months post op?  We're getting to a point where there are no earth shattering major changes.  I feel like around that 6-7 months post op I dropped another bit of swelling around my nose.  I've got some puff left, but it's really not much and in all honesty, it's getting to a point where I have to wonder what is puff and what is just additional weight from the extra 10-15lbs I am still hanging on to that need to be lost.  For the most part I feel pretty good.  Still sore/stiff some days, especially days where I start early for work and/or do a lot of talking that day.  My opening is pretty much back to normal and has been for a good while now, but still have some stiffness/hesitation cranking open sometimes.  Both discs have been happy and I only get a little subtle crunching every now and then.  I'm eating pretty normally for all intents and purposes.  Still taking it easy on the loose front teeth.  My surgeon peeked at my latest pano last week and he said we're not completely filled in yet on the bone healing, so we're still chugging along there.  And those upper plates/screws that bug me to the touch he is still agreeing to take out after the year post op mark.  Like everything else in this process, all of this just takes time.

Speaking of my surgeon, I am heading in on Mon to get my first implant.  Should be straight forward shot on my already missing back molar.  Luckily I've got some soups frozen still from jaw surgery, so I'll just use some of those for a day or two and be good to go.  I need to stop at my orthodontists office on the way home and have him shave down the fake tooth they have keeping the space for the implant.  I asked my ortho to make me a hawley retainer for my top teeth too.  I've given the essix almost two months now, and it's been 5-6 weeks of clenching and headaches. I don't think it's going to work for me.  It will be great to have as an extra retainer on hand, or to wear in situations where I don't want the wire of the hawley showing across my front teeth, but otherwise I am very much looking forward to having the hawley and allowing these teeth to breathe and let the chewing surfaces of the top and bottom teeth be able to rest together naturally.  After that I'll probably check in with my surgeon to check on the implant site, and then I have my two month retainer check with my ortho the third week of Oct.  I am not sure when my next jaw follow up with be... or if there will even be a formal next appointment of any kind for it.  If not, then I'll be seeing Dr. Karas beginning of Feb 2017 to address taking my upper hardware out.  Can't wait to get those screws out of my under eye!!

I had an appointment scheduled with my surgeon yesterday to go over our implant plan for my back molar.  I really didn't need another implant consult, but I went ahead and let them schedule me for it since I wanted to catch up with him on a few things anyway.  The implant stuff I am more than spun up on at this point, but I never really got to hear from him how the bones were healing at my last jaw check up (that got cut short thanks to my implant scans and molds taking up the whole appointment), so I wanted to get the skinny on that.  I also was hoping he'd chat with me a few minutes about the latest and greatest on something I recently told him I did, which was FINALLY put the complaint in against my first surgeon with the CA medical and dental board. 

Yes, I finally did it.  It was a long time coming, and I decided to pull the trigger on that now that my medical issues, which were my main focus first and foremost, have now been fixed.  I wasn't going to pull him in to this at all.  He's already done enough for me and I don't need to bother him with my first surgeon baggage, but as part of the investigation process in to my complaint, the dental board said they may need to talk to all of my treaters and pull records.  Ugh.  So, as a courtesy, I let him know that he may be contacted and I apologized for having to drag him in to this at all.  He seemed OK with it and said he'll give the board whatever they request if they contact him and request it.  Phew...good.  He's not put off by me doing this..... or is he?  Does my surgeon now think I am a complain for nothing patient?  Sue/complain happy over nothing?  I mean, now my mind is spinning because while I've had enough people tell me that what happened to me was WAY past an honest mistake.... I still have never had an actual doctor say it to my face (well, outside of the guy at Stanford who then did the total 180 on his statements), so I still second guess myself here.  I'd like to think I am correct.  That what happened to me was way below the standard of care and just not right at all.  That I am completely justified putting in a complaint over what happened to me.  But, it really bothers me to think what if I'm wrong?  What if I'm wrong and now my surgeon just sees me as a threat and more hesitant to treat me?  Like some sort of ambulance chaser sue happy person who complains just to complain over anything and everything?  Know what I mean?  I'm totally NOT that kind of person (at least I think, but I'm obviously a little biased lol).  Hopefully he knows me enough by now through the last 2 years to know that I am a more than understanding and pretty easy going patient and definitely NOT one of those patients. 

I'm probably over thinking it, but it's tearing me up inside that I possibly could cause my surgeon to think less of me or be put off that I'm doing this.  And I am never going to know because he's never going to speak to the level of care I got with my first surgeon; letting me know that I am not crazy and fully justified going through with this. Or even a nudge saying he thinks it was all a normal complication(s) and honest mistakes and I should just move on and it's not complaint worthy.  But, I am never going to know.  It's almost bothering me to a point where I feel like I should just call the dental board and retract the complaint I put in, just so I can end this anxiety I have over my surgeon possibly thinking less of me over it.  But then I'll always wonder what if on the complaint and if that was in fact the right thing to do.  I just wish I could get some guidance on what the right thing for me to do is.  It's a lose lose situation honestly, and I have no clue what to do now.  :(

So, left the appointment with anxiety and a little bit of sadness over all of that.  At the same time though, I was glad to get some good news and left with happiness over that-- my incisors are firming up, and doc is happy, saying most of the teeth (outside of that bum lateral incisor) are barely mobile now.  AMAZING news.  So, continuing with wait and see plan for that.  And then even better, my implant actually gets 60% paid in to it from my dental insurance!  Waahhoooo!!! Super awesome unexpected surprise!!  So, about $900 for the implant and I am not sure what the crown will be yet.  We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, which won't be until next year.  Implant goes in first week of Oct and then we'll wait 3 months to let it take to the bone before putting the crown on it.  In Feb we'll revisit taking my upper hardware out, but for now doc seems happy with the bone healing on my last pano.  We're not completely filled in (which seems to be going slower than last time and he reminded me that is normal for a revision) and fully fused, but we're slowly getting there.  Phew.

So, mixed emotions.  So happy all is going better than we thought it would be going over all.  My front teeth have some hope now (more than they've ever had!) and my bones continue to slowly heal and go in the right direction.  I am not sure if I will ever feel good over the whole complaint thing going on.  I so badly just want to feel better knowing I have my surgeons support and he doesn't think less of me at all for doing this, but I am not sure I am ever going to get confirmation of what he thinks I should have done with this either way.  I am going to have to accept that and just hope that he does fully support what I am doing with this, but he just can't violate his standards in terms of not speaking to that at all.  I don't blame him.  It's smart.  But it's definitely not helping in terms of my mental/emotional anguish over this. 

The saga continues with these front teeth.  What was a for sure thing has now gone back to "wait and see."  My docs are not doing anything with the anteriors right now.  They're super super surprised that my teeth aren't flopping around more.  Unexpected, but it's a good thing.  My prosth said on a mobility scale of 1-3, my teeth are a 1 (which is quite normal after braces) and maybe a few borderline a 2.  I think they were expecting 2-3 (especially on that right lateral incisor) for the  most part based on my films and all, so this is a pleasant surprise that I will take!  I have no clue what is making them more firm than they should  be given the root/bone resorption, but I won't look a gift horse in the mouth here!  So, they're content waiting a few months to see what happens with them and if they will firm up any more now after being debanded.  If they don't firm up and/or I show more bone loss on films, then we'll proceed with our plans to take them.  If they hold steady, then I might be able to keep these teeth for a while.  What is a "while?"  Well, I don't know and they don't know, which is a shame because if I am going to keep the teeth, they need some kind of crown/vaneer restoration.  The teeth have seen so much bonding all done in pieces that they look like a patched together quilt when you're up close to them.  In pictures it's fine and from a distance it's fine, but up close you can see the multiple bonding pieces on my teeth and all the different colors they are.  My teeth are also different sizes thanks to the hack bonding job my first ortho did.  So, I might be in a position to question if I want to put vaneers ($1800 a pop) on my 4 uppers that I might only keep a few years.  Maybe 10 if I'm lucky?  Who knows.  10 is kind of the  minimum number I am going for if I am going to put out almost $8000 to vaneer them.  Something to think about in the back of my mind, but we're not even at the point where we know if that is going to be an option for me yet.  We'll cross that bridge when we get to it I guess!

My prosth took impressions for a surgical stent to do the implant on my missing back molar.  At least we'll get going on that one while we're in a holding pattern for the other teeth.  $450 for the impressions and stent.  Ouchie.  Then I still have to look at whatever it's going to cost for the implant and crown itself.  I can imagine that is going to run me about $3000 or so if I had to guess, and even that might be too optimistic.  ::sigh::  Still bugs me that I am stuck paying for somebody elses mistake!  Ugh!  I emailed my surgeons office today to make the implant appointment, so we'll see what they have on the books to get me in for that.

On a totally different topic-- I just got back from a trip back east to see my family.  It was great to get back and see them, especially since my little sister just had her first baby.  This was the first everybody has seen me post op AND debanded.  Everybody shared my relief that we're done and at this point now.  Especially my father.  He was so pissed with what happened the first time he wanted to fly out here and break my surgeons legs.... totally not kidding.  Sorry, pops, you're not breaking anybody's legs.  No matter how much they deserve it. lol  I also got a chance to meet up with another of the regulars in the online jaw surgery community.  She's kind of my jaw sister from another mister since she's seen her fair share (and by that, I should clarify that it's much more than any hardships I've seen!) of complications and heartache through this process.  AND she's from the Philly area too, so we have quite a bit in common and can understand each other when it comes to all of this.  It was really nice to finally meet up in person after talking online for a few years!

A few pictures from my trip below.  I am still settling in to my debanded smile.  My teeth feel a little less cartoon like and big to me, so I am finally getting used to them I think.  I've been doing great with my retainers (like everything else-- if I am told to wear something 24/7, then I will with no questions asked).  Only thing I am having an issue with still is the clenching when I have the top essix retainer in.  I am trying my hardest to mentally stop myself from doing it, but I can't.  That bulky plastic around the surface of my teeth is preventing my teeth from touching and throwing the occlusion off a bit there, and it's making me want to clench down to try and get the teeth to touch more (and they won't fully come together with the layer of plastic in between them).  When I see my ortho in Oct for a retainer check, I  might ask him to make me a hawley for the top so the biting surface of my teeth can remain uncovered and allow the teeth to sit together naturally when at rest.  When I have the top retainer out and just the hawley on the bottom, I have no issues.  So, lets hope that works better for me.  Otherwise, all is well.  I feel like the residual puff I had around my nose is pretty much gone now.  Upper plates still tender to the touch with the lowers not bothering me at all.  I still get stiff some days, and I am back to fighting off some tension headaches thanks to the clenching I am doing in the retainer.  7 months post op this week.  Time flies!