I'm really starting to get frustrated with the hurry up and wait with all of this.  I guess having the FAA medical and move to OKC temporarily for the job over my head is not helping.  It's definitely lighting a fire under my ass in terms of wanting a plan more.  The  aviation doc is going to want the records and plans too, but I have no plans to give him except that I am cautiously optimistic that I might have surgery by Dec.  Saw my ortho again yesterday.  He did some more bends/tweaks in my lower wire and then put both wires back in.  I told him that I am seeing a flight doc and he's going to want to know what is going on with all of this and probably want a better estimate of a date to try and plan if he should approve me medically now or wait until after the jaw surgery.  At least my ortho did pipe in and said that he would prefer me go to the academy first and then come back and do the jaw surgery since it's critical he sees me and does a lot of tweaks those first 3-4 months post op.  I know this and plan on being around for those first 4 months regardless whether its done before or after the academy.  In a perfect world I would like to get the jaw surgery done in Dec, wait 4-6 months to allow healing and all the ortho to happen without worry, and then go to the academy after.  I don't want to wait because, 1.) I can't stand this bite for any long than I have to.  The thought of having it 4 extra months while I am in the academy is making me super upset just thinking about it.  2.) I am already at my out of pocket max on my insurance.  I already paid to have my double coverage this year for the surgery.  Pushing surgery to Jan or Feb 2016 means I have to get double coverage again, which over the year is costing me a couple thousand dollars again.  So, for job reasons it would work out great if I could be ready to roll by Dec and for personal and financial reasons too.  I just am scratching my head still at the vagueness of an estimate surgery date.  I am being told *maybe* by the holidays, and then I see a note in my chart yesterday that said he's afraid Dec will be too soon.  OK, well if that is too soon, then when?  All I am asking for is an estimate, and if you want to be conservative and tell me later when it could be earlier, then go for it.  Just as long as I have something.  Something to throw out there, because right now when the aviation doc asks me about this, I have nothing close to concrete to tell him.  And from a personal level, I have nothing concrete to plan off of for my life.  Right now I have kept Nov/Dec open on my calendar.  My life is officially on hold at that point, and if he thinks there is a good chance I am not doing surgery by then, then tell me so I can plan some stuff for those months.  I have a life, and if possible, I'd like to do something around the holidays if I am not going to be laid up.  And then there is no reasoning.  I have no clue why it's going to take longer than the originally hoped for Nov/Dec time frame.  As far as I knew I was getting my bottom space closed, top braces back on closer to surgery, and then surgery.  Bottom space has been pretty much closed for a while now and top braces on since June.  So, what's good, doc?  I hate being a pest, but I am really started to get frustrated.  Again, the whole FAA thing has been the straw to break the camels back in terms of my frustration with this, but I was already going in that direction for the last appointment or two.

Below is the new pano from the last appt.  After he saw this, he started doing the torque to my roots on the bottom.  It always makes me sick to look at my roots. My top teeth are in such bad shape.  Just makes me want to cry every time I see an xray and see the look on the doctors face when they see the xray.  Ugh, oh well.  Other thing I think I see is the screw popping out in my left cheek.  The ones on my right look really flush, and I am pretty sure the one on the left you can see not flush and backed out of the bone a bit.  That is the side I can actually feel it sticking out on if I run my finger on it and it's tender.  Luckily not infected or anything, so I am just going to continue to let it be.  I did manage to convince the ortho to at least look in to a better estimate for me, so he took some molds and will take a look. I don't expect much to come from it though, so we'll see.  I go back Oct 6th to get the scoop on that.  Stay tuned!

I wasn't going to post until my next ortho appointment, but an issue came up that I want to address.  I'm part of a lot of online jaw surgery forums and groups.  I've kept the blog and been active on the forums since day 1, continuing to update my story good or bad.  Unfortunately it's been more bad than good, but I am still keeping up with the same chatter that I've had through the whole experience since I got braces.  Having said that, since most of what is happening with my story is not positive, I do feel bad keeping up the level of chatter I had when it was good, because eventually you sound like a Debbie downer even though you try to remain practical and as unemotional as you can when you talk about what is going on.  Since what is going on with me is largely not good news, I'm sure it can be a drag.  I do keep this in mind when I post, so I try to find a balance between posting and being honest about what happened to me and what is now happening with me and remaining positive yet realistic about things concerning my case.

Realistic-- hard real stats, data, science, etc.  As a scientist, I like to approach things from that perspective.  Do my emotions and personal opinions interject from time to time?  Sure.  I think it's human, but I also think I do a good job about talking about honest stats and numbers.  I don't go out of my way to sensationalize things to skew anything one way or another.  Numbers and data doesn't lie.  When I talk about my case, I usually do say things like, "keep in mind, my case is in the minority in terms of surgical outcomes.  Most people end up fine, or in the group with typical complications like numbness, but to be as catastrophically messed up as me, we're a small bunch in terms of the numbers.  So, more than likely you will end up in that majority, but as patients it's good for all of us to understand that there is a chance that might not happen and it's good to understand what can go wrong and be aware of that and make a decision if your risk is worth the reward in your case."   I say it this way because that is what the numbers support in terms of analyzing post op outcomes that I've looked in to.  Very recently a new guy on an online surgery group accused me of trying to sell the surgery like nothing good can come of it and everybody will come out like me.  That bothered me, because I am positive (even after looking back on some of my posts as part of a post mortem on all of this once he brought it up) that I do not sell this like that.  Sure, I tell my story, but never ever have I told it like what happened to me is a high chance of happening to other people.  Absolutely not.  The reality of it is that it's a chance and nothing else.  And even at that, I make sure to include verbiage that it's not a super high chance, but a chance none the less.

If I had to put it in meteorology terms, I would call it a "slight chance."  Undesirable surgical outcome is always a chance with any surgery.  So, lets get this straight-- do your research.  Keep in mind that a lot of cases you'll read about on forums and online pages will skew towards the  bad since most people who are posting online are the ones that have issues and the ones that don't have issues just keep on keepin on with their lives and aren't online posting about it (even though I am technically not in that group since I've been posting since day 1 of this whole process).  The numbers don't lie.  You'll probably find that most cases, even with the skew I just mentioned, come out fine and dandy with the typical higher chance risks, IE: numbness. I would call it the majority of cases.  Having said that, I have no problem talking about what happened to me and remind people that what happened to me is a risk associated with this procedure.  Doing so is not selling it to people like it's a high chance probability that what happened to me will happen to them.  I had to stop and question myself after this guy went after me online because I wanted to assess if I was really helping people like I thought or if I was being a Debbie downer and just muddying the pre op research waters for people.  After thinking about it, I believe I should still get the word out and try to remain as scientific about it as possible.  It's hard to remove emotions from something like this, but I have to if it can help somebody else.  Maybe it will help somebody do extra research in to the surgeon they are choosing and they can avoid picking an awful one like I did.  And like me, maybe it will help them and give them insight on red flags to look for IF things go wrong.  Had I not read about a few "shit hits the fan" cases like mine during all of my pre op research, I definitely would not have known what to look for and recognize the red flags that helped me act as quickly as I did when I realized things were not right. 

So, to anybody who felt like I misrepresented the numbers and data on surgical outcome, I am sorry.  I don't believe I have done that, but if I have in any way I am not realizing, then my apologies.  I'm going to try and remain and scientific and practical as I can when discussing things about jaw surgery.  Hopefully I can get a good balance of being able to talk about what happened to me as realistically as possible without sounding like too much of a drag.  I don't want my story to scare anybody off by them thinking there is a good chance they'll end up in my shoes or shoes similar to mine, but patients do need to accept the fact that the risk is there (all be it a risk much less likely to happen compared to something like the numbness from this surgery) and incorporate it in to their understanding and assessment of their risk vs. reward when deciding if they want to move forward with having the surgery done.  And to the guy in the online group who has a problem with me speaking from this perspective, then I am not sorry.  I'm explaining a risk in the most truthful and practical way that I can and giving my own experience with it.  If that offends you, then sorry not sorry.