I can't feel my upper pallet getting wider, but it is!  Well, maybe I could feel it a little bit but it was just lumped in with all the other pain after the adjustment I had when they put it in the beginning of October.  Saw my ortho on Mon and he was doing a lot of measurements on my latest set of molds and comparing that to my teeth and then doing some other looksies to see what else he needed to torque and correct.  I've already expanded a whole 2mm.  He seemed surprised by this.  I asked him what they were going for total and he said if they can get 5, then we can probably cross expansion off the surgery list.  So, good news I guess.  He adjusted the TPA and threw it right back in, but for the few seconds it was out it was really nice to feel the unadulterated roof of my mouth again.  Maybe we'll see another 2mm at the next appointment in 4 weeks.  If so, that would put me close to surgery ready in that category.  Other thing he was adjusting is my molars all the way in the back of my mouth.  They're kind of tipped and he said my surgeon spoke with him and mentioned that that can sometimes be an issue post op where my bite won't sit together at all.  Makes sense since right now those teeth do not meet the molars on the bottom, so they're not biting on anything.  But when the jaws get adjusted, they'll have a lower neighbor once again and if the tooth is tipped, then I'll be biting on that one tip/edge that is hanging and it will cause the rest of my teeth to not meet since it will sit on that high point.  I've been there before and it's annoying, so if we can torque that tooth to prevent that from happening, that would be great.

Doc reiterated again that they feel good shooting for Feb.  Actually, after seeing the 2mm expansion, he sounded a little more confident about it but still stressed that in the end it's not 100% guarantee.  This isn't my first rodeo.  I definitely know how this goes and I am not holding him firm to a date right now, and instead I am very happy to have the estimate at least.  He also stressed that he doesn't want to send me in without being 100% perfectly ready, and he doesn't want to rush to get me there either.  Everything done slow, steady, as meticulously planned.  I am way good with that.  I would rather them pay attention to detail and be damn sure that everything is 100% where it's supposed to be for an optimal result before sending me for the big show.

One more measurement I forgot to mention is that they opened up the space a smidge more for my missing #19 molar.  I am at 7mm right now which is where they want it for the future implant that will go there after treatment.  So, I guess we'll hold that space steady from here on out.  One other thing that I asked him about since he was all up in my grill measuring stuff-- just how big is my current overjet.  I thought for sure I would be at least double digits.  I started with 5mm and the amount of space they've created feels HUGE.  Like, so much worse than what I even started with before I got braces and that was 8-9mm.  Surprisingly, I am only at 8mm.  I looked at him in shock.  This feels sssoooo much worse than what I started with originally.  I never dropped food out of my mouth like I do now.  Wonder if all the other stuff going on now (cant, yaw, lopsided rotation, etc) is really throwing it off and making everything feel that much worse?  I dunno.  Otherwise, sounds like we're on track with everything.  Torque a few teeth, tip those back molars where they need to be, expand another 3mm, and then it's surgery time.  Next appointment is in 4 weeks, so I guess we'll have to wait and see where I am then!  Comon, TPA-- keep chuggin!! 

Sometimes when things go south in life, you can go to a bad place real quick.  Funny thing is I can be a pretty pessimistic person.  I was voted class pessimist back in high school and it still cracks me up a little to this day.  I like to call myself a realist, but truth is I probably can be a little pessimistic a lot of times.  So, 1.5 years ago when I had this surgery that went to hell, I am sure a few of my loved ones were probably worried about me.  Worried how I would handle it; would I get super down and depressed and get to a bad place?  Would the pessimist inside take over?  I think a lot of people, particularly my mother, were surprised with the direction I took with everything.  I remained pretty practical about it, as I've been from the start, and after a little initial rough patch where I went through some depression and shock, I bounced back and decided this unfortunate turn of events wasn't going to ruin my life for the time being.

People deal in different ways.  My way to deal was to get out and go big.  I wanted to do everything I normally do and then some.  I wanted to basically give my surgeon the finger and tell her she's not taking away my fun.  And boy, have I accomplished that in the last year and a half.  I just got off of my last trip in a string of trips over mostly the last year.  Thanks to the Southwest Airlines credit card deal I signed in to, I was able to rack up enough airline miles to go to a lot of places for free off of the miles or for very little money past that.  I just took my 19th trip that required air travel.  For now, this will be the last of my travels until surgery.  As thankful as I am for the experiences I've had through all of my travels, I am also exhausted from it as well. Normal day to day things that I like to get done around the house have not been done in months.  My place is a little bit of a disaster.  BUT... it was all worth it. :)  Looking back on everything in the last year and a half, here is the run down of my trips:

• Los Angeles with a group from Matt's work and got to see Hollywood.
• Santa Barbara to consult with Dr. Gunson and turned that in to a nice trip to see the area.
• Philly three separate times to see my family.
• Salt Lake City twice with my friends for some wind tunnel time.
• Houston for Halloween
• Dominican Republic for my sisters wedding
• Connecticut to consult with a knee surgeon with a side trip to NYC.
• Las Vegas
• Scuba diving in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
• Chicago for a wind tunnel competition
• Florida 4 separate times:  Tallahassee, Tampa, Orlando, Mebourne, Sebastian, New Smyrna Beach.
• Kansas City, MO
• Minneapolis for a skydiving camp
• Phoenix, AZ for US Skydiving National Competition

The competition in Phoenix was a good end to the travel string.  I've been in and out of skydiving for 13 years.  It's always been rough for me to be a regular current jumper with my wacky work schedule, and then for the last 2-3 years all the injuries.  I got the bug in my ear to do US Nationals way back when I was 18 in 2002 and got my license.  My AFF instructor at the time was the US National champ for freestyle and she kind of put the bug there.  I did collegiate nationals in 2006 and it was always a stepping stone for me since; always thinking in the back of my mind that some day I'll get to the big show at the regular nationals.  I made it this year.  I didn't make the podium, but I was so happy just to be there after over a decade wanting it.  It was definitely a good way to end the year of travels.

I also can't forget all of the local fun to be had in between the airplane trips.  All of the skydiving trips, wind tunnel time, mountain/road biking trips, backpacking trips, snowboarding trips, paddle boarding trips, finishing trips, etc.  I have literally been living out of my suitcase the last year, and it's been exhausting yet great. I'm trying to describe everything I've done without sounding like I am bragging that I get to travel a lot.  I'm more trying to describe how thankful I am at the opportunity to do all of this more so than just saying I got to do it in a bragging way.  A lot of things fell in to place so that all the travel could happen.  I am incredibly lucky to get in on the perfect credit card mile deal at the perfect time, and incredibly lucky that I had some leave banked up at work that I was able to use without much trouble getting coverage for my shifts.  I'm thankful because I needed this.  It's helped me heal over the last year.  Another thing I am thankful for in that mix is all of my friends and my family who enriched these trips and experiences.  For each of you that jumped out of an airplane with me, or last minute road tripped with me, got off a ski lift with me, got on an airplane to travel with me on some of these trips, let me crash in your home when I got somewhere and listened to me vent about the shitty cards I've been dealt the last year and a half, road a bike a couple hundred miles with me, surfed and sat on the beach with me, and backpacked a few thousand feet of terrain and saw beautiful places with me.  The new friends I've made on my travels have been great!  All of the smiles, laughs, and tears I've gotten to have with old ones on my adventures are equally as awesome.  I'm especially thankful for my dear husband who continues to be a rock for me through all of this.  I couldn't have gotten another person as supportive and understanding.  While he's been able to come on a few of these trips with me, it's been most of them that I have been away on my own.  He's taken care of my dog for me, taken me to and from the airport at odd times, picked up around the house more in my absence, and has zero resentment that I've been gone more than I should.  A lot of partners would eventually feel a little irked if the other is off gallivanting around.  They could start to feel a little lonely and neglected.  I think it's only human.  He's been amazing through everything and understanding of the fact that this is how I chose to deal with everything that happened to me.  That this was something I needed to do and that with his support, it would make it an even better experience for me and hopefully get me to a better place in the long run.  So, to everybody who has had a part in all of these experiences I've been lucky to have the last year and a half--- thank you a million times over.  This has all helped me keep my mind off of things and keep me from going to a bad place, and the memories of everything will keep me smiling when things start to get tough through the revision process coming up.  From the bottom of my heart, I am thankful for my family, friends, and all the awesome experiences I got to have over the last year or so.  Here's to a couple months of relaxing before revision surgery!  I know my husband is glad to finally have me back at home, and I am glad to be back home! :)