Closure

The title of this post takes on multiple meanings.  First, I saw my ortho on Tuesday.  To my surprise, he put a power chain on.  During the last appointment in January when they pulled the tooth and put the braces on, the assistant said they wouldn't start closing the gap of the missing tooth for another two wires.  That would be about 3 months roughly.  That kind of bummed me out a bit, but I knew it was better to go slow and steady to prevent any further root damage to my already beat up teeth.  I was sitting in the chair and when he asked me how everything felt, I told him that I felt great.  I thought I would go home the day I had the braces put back on and be braces sore AND tooth just pulled sore, but neither bothered me even enough to need an advil.  He laughed and said, "well, lets change that."  I got a heavier wire and the power chain.  It felt a little snug going on, but NOTHING like what I've experienced with power chains before.  And again, barely feel anything from it.  At my first ortho, there were times when I would be in absolute agony in the chair while they were putting the chain on.  A few times I actually shed a tear.  And then the pain afterwards caused those times to stick out as some of my most painful adjustments.  So, now this has me thinking-- am I not hurting now because my teeth are straighter and have less to move (not to mention they're pretty used to being engaged at this point so the periodontal ligament probably isn't as firm and hurting), or is my new ortho doing this better in a way it should have been done to begin with and it should have felt like this the first time?  Now that I think about it, I haven't had one snag with this ortho.  No severe pain/soreness, no rapid movement that causes a wire to start poking out the back appliance within a few days, nothing broken, etc.  I feel like after every adjustment at the last ortho they were moving my teeth so hard and so fast that I was always in pain after (pretty severe during the first 6 months of adjustments), and the wires that were cut flush would always end up poking out in a few days because the teeth would move that much so quickly.  I wonder if it was a case where I just didn't know what I didn't know.  Maybe braces weren't supposed to hurt that bad and I didn't recognize it as a red flag that my teeth were being moved too forcefully too fast.  If that is the case, then I am kind of bummed I was subjected to all of that and didn't know any better.  Even more bummed that my tooth roots were subjected to that and the damage is permanent.  Regardless, I am pretty happy after this appointment knowing that we're at least beginning the process of closing the huge hole in the front of my lower teeth. 

Second bit of closure is more on an emotional level.  For the last 10 months I was looking forward to my legal case as being my closure.  For my surgeon to have to step up and be held accountable for what she did to me with no explanation.  And not even so much exactly what she did to me surgically (because I understand shit happens), but her care in the following weeks; sweeping me under the rug and hoping I would just go away or be ignorant and lackadaisical enough to continue to allow my orthodontist to try and cover up her surgical mistakes.  It's becoming more clear that my case is probably dead in the water.  My lawyers didn't even answer my last email last week.  Our expert witness has done an about face and is now saying he can't bring himself to say that my care was below the standard even though he previously had said it was just a few months ago.  My statute of limitations is quickly running out next month.  Pretty certain at this point I don't have time to get with a new lawyer and get something spun up quick enough to get in before the statute comes.  Luckily I've been distracted with my knee issues, but I have to do some soul searching and eventually find another way to get closure.  I am not sure exactly how that will happen or when, but I am pretty sure it will eventually happen, even if it just comes down to letting enough time pass to get over it.  I don't think I'll ever be completely over it, but over it enough to go on with life.  I think at this point it will take me having a successful revision surgery.  I will need at least that to get a little bit of confidence and trust back with doctors.  Right now I have none, which is heavily impacting my decisions regarding my knees.  

So, with a high level of probability that my case is done, I am officially republishing this blog.  I've had it offline for the last 5 or 6 months through all of this.  Not that I had anything to hide, but it's just what you do when you're in litigation.  Furthermore, I can go ahead and honestly tell my story in detail.  Start hitting message boards, online groups. forums, etc and let people know about my case, especially if they are considering Kaiser Oakland.  I know I would have appreciated a story like mine during my research as a pre op patient.  It definitely would have given me something to chew over in terms of my choice of surgeon, HMO, and hospital.