I don't know if there is something in the water recently or what, but about a dozen times in the last month or two with different people I've had this conversation about my jaw surgeries and current place in recovery, and I know they mean well, but it's a tough conversation to have. It's the "but you look great!" conversation. The "but it was all worth it because you look better now!" conversation. I wanted to talk about it because I have talked to a few other patients who have run in to the same issues and wanted to put my feelings out there in case anybody else is dealing with it and know you're not alone. It can be a tough conversation to have, because how do you respond politely? Bottom line: No.... for me, it wasn't all worth it for that. Not at all. If somebody had sat me down at the beginning of treatment and said, "We can make you prettier, but you'll lose 7 of your front teeth for it," I would have NEVER done this. EVER. That is not to say I didn't understand the risks. I understood them and understood the context in which they could happen. I always tell jaw patients to understand the risks and the probabilities of each risk. Be OK with the possibility that you can end up as a statistic there. So, I understood and was more than informed and aware. And I could have backed out and I didn't. But I am not mad at myself there. People would never have surgery at all if they weren't willing to assume any risk at all. But you understand the risks and then make the best decision for you as the patient. Hope for the best, but be aware and prepared for the worst if it were to unfortunately come bite you.
It's a fine line of being thankful for improvements you have gotten from jaw surgery, yet knowing it's OK to not be OK with the costs of those improvements. For me it cost me my front teeth. I'm not even talking about the monetary cost of that. I'm talking about the cost of something so dear and permanent and all of the complications and upkeep I'll have to address for the rest of my life now for it. I'm going to need multiple rounds of tissue and bone grafts over the years as everything recedes around the implants and spaces where teeth are missing and filled in with a bridge. I am probably going to need to replace the whole implant supported bridge segment(s) a time or two through my life since I am getting this done at such a young age. There is a reason why people have nightmares about permanent teeth falling out or being pulled. There is something devastating about losing something so permanent and intimate as a piece of you responsible for so many facets of how we live/function. How we survive through food! And to have it be almost all of your front teeth!! That is absolutely devastating. You could have told me I was going to look like Vana White or Megan Fox after this jaw surgery and I still would have told you to stick it straight up your ass if the cost was going to be all of my front teeth. Sounds harsh, but that is the truth.
So, it's OK to not be completely OK. If a friend wants to tell you it's worth it because of X, just politely remind them that your risk vs. reward is different than theirs and it's not worth it for you. And this doesn't mean you're not grateful for what you do get to have out of it. It's just that it's a fine line balancing being grateful for what you got, but at what cost? No matter what it's OK wherever you are with that.
On a totally different note and back to the functional aspect in all of this and another reason why revision was worth it.... I can dive again!! I got back from my Bonaire diving trip two weeks ago and it went great. I had a lot of anxiety going in to it. I wasn't sure it was going to work. I took a diving trip 1 year after my first surgery (when I was left all twisted up...which is why things probably hurt me then) and I had to cancel almost all of our dives due to the pain I was in after the first day of two dives. This trip was to celebrate being done with the harder jaw work. It was also a test to see if I could dive again. Part of me was afraid I would be in the same pain I was in in 2015 during the last dive trip, but this one went off really well. I did about a dozen one-hour dives during the week and besides what I consider normal jaw fatigue, I was in really great shape. SO thankful. I sent the below pics to my docs to give them a shout out and say thanks for getting me back in the water! Anywho... I am really glad to be diving normally again. For you divers out there considering jaw surgery, def talk to your surgeon about it. Typically they don't want you to dive for at least a year after surgery so your joints can settle down and remodel in their new homes. You definitely don't want to mess that up!
It's a fine line of being thankful for improvements you have gotten from jaw surgery, yet knowing it's OK to not be OK with the costs of those improvements. For me it cost me my front teeth. I'm not even talking about the monetary cost of that. I'm talking about the cost of something so dear and permanent and all of the complications and upkeep I'll have to address for the rest of my life now for it. I'm going to need multiple rounds of tissue and bone grafts over the years as everything recedes around the implants and spaces where teeth are missing and filled in with a bridge. I am probably going to need to replace the whole implant supported bridge segment(s) a time or two through my life since I am getting this done at such a young age. There is a reason why people have nightmares about permanent teeth falling out or being pulled. There is something devastating about losing something so permanent and intimate as a piece of you responsible for so many facets of how we live/function. How we survive through food! And to have it be almost all of your front teeth!! That is absolutely devastating. You could have told me I was going to look like Vana White or Megan Fox after this jaw surgery and I still would have told you to stick it straight up your ass if the cost was going to be all of my front teeth. Sounds harsh, but that is the truth.
So, it's OK to not be completely OK. If a friend wants to tell you it's worth it because of X, just politely remind them that your risk vs. reward is different than theirs and it's not worth it for you. And this doesn't mean you're not grateful for what you do get to have out of it. It's just that it's a fine line balancing being grateful for what you got, but at what cost? No matter what it's OK wherever you are with that.
On a totally different note and back to the functional aspect in all of this and another reason why revision was worth it.... I can dive again!! I got back from my Bonaire diving trip two weeks ago and it went great. I had a lot of anxiety going in to it. I wasn't sure it was going to work. I took a diving trip 1 year after my first surgery (when I was left all twisted up...which is why things probably hurt me then) and I had to cancel almost all of our dives due to the pain I was in after the first day of two dives. This trip was to celebrate being done with the harder jaw work. It was also a test to see if I could dive again. Part of me was afraid I would be in the same pain I was in in 2015 during the last dive trip, but this one went off really well. I did about a dozen one-hour dives during the week and besides what I consider normal jaw fatigue, I was in really great shape. SO thankful. I sent the below pics to my docs to give them a shout out and say thanks for getting me back in the water! Anywho... I am really glad to be diving normally again. For you divers out there considering jaw surgery, def talk to your surgeon about it. Typically they don't want you to dive for at least a year after surgery so your joints can settle down and remodel in their new homes. You definitely don't want to mess that up!
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